Saturday, December 18, 2010

Strange things are happening to me....

sorry, that song is stuck in my head from Toy Story..

So, since none of my brothers read my blog and I don't have to worry about hurt feelings and drama I can say it here....

I found my biological father on FB on Wednesday, I never expected to find him.  I tried once years ago I even paid for a 1800 US Search to find him and didn't.  I got an old address for him that wasn't good but knew he was at least alive.

My brother asked me for his name again on Wednesday so I did a quick google search to verify the last name (I was always confusing two names and didn't want to give him the wrong one).  Low and behold it popped up a FB profile for him.

I contacted him and instead of telling me to get lost (which is what I kind of expected) he has been very forthcoming.  It seems that he stayed away out of respect for Mom's wishes and that he has always missed us (this goes along with Mom's explanation one of the few times I got her to talk about C).  I am feeling pretty good about this development in my life, although still nervous.

I told Tessa this morning about him, she knew that Dad wasn't my biological father, but nothing more.  Today she knows what he looks like and is a little excited although a little scared too.  Wondering if he is going to want to be a part of her life or not.  I told her we were taking it slow for now, trying to keep anyone from getting hurt.  I explained that was why I wasn't telling her little sisters but she is big enough to understand somewhat.

I haven't posted about it on my FB because I don't want to hurt my other brothers.  I love them all very much, I don't look at finding Charlie as taking anything away from my life but as an adding to it.  I feel like it happened in God's time (since it wasn't anything I planned on doing) and am just letting things go where they go.  I also really feel like Mom would have been okay with it, especially since she is no longer here to deal with any fall out from it (meaning with Dad).  I am worried about how the boys will take it, and don't really plan on discussing it with them.  I won't lie to them about it but the last we discussed it there was a lot of anger there.  Since it doesn't affect their lives I am choosing not to share this with them for now.

So that is what has been going on here the last few days... It's complicated, and messy somewhat, but good.  I am considering telling the one brother I think would understand and be okay with it but am not sure.  I am hoping things continue to go as well as they are.  It would be nice to have Charlie as a part of my life and the girls lives I think.  Maybe meet someday...

We shall see but needed to get it out there somewhere....

1 comment:

  1. I should add that I found out I have a half brother (who I knew about) and half sister that I don't know where they are.
    I also have an adopted niece (Charlie calls her his granddaughter so that makes her my niece right?) with my name,her husband, and a great niece who is just about Tessa's age.